On August 13th, one of the greatest women I have ever known (who also happens to be my mother) entered heaven. (obituary of Ruthie Fentress) She was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma in October of 2010 after a battle with breast cancer in 2009. As far as we know, the cancers were completely unrelated. So, without ONE regret, I came home to spend as much time with her as I possibly could.
My grama (mom's mom) also passed away this summer on July 16th. My mom lived on this earth for 28 days without her mother. If I live 28 YEARS without my mom, then I will just be 62. Longevity of life runs in my family. I could even live ANOTHER 28 years without my mom and I will be 90. That is 56 years without my mom on this earth. Now, I know that I could get hit by a bus on my way home today or better yet Jesus could come back in the blink of an eye, but just stay with me for a few moments.
THIS is where my grief is settling in. I am not sad for my mother. As much as she loves our family, she wouldn't want to come back even if she were healthy. Ultimately, our hearts were created to long for heaven. My deepest sadness comes when I try to wrap my brain around how I can begin to grieve the future that I thought I would have with mom. I am still hopeful that a wedding day is in my future (miracles still happen, people!). Even if I never get married, I am pretty sure that adopting children from Africa is in my future. I am in the beginning phases of working with some amazing people to start a non profit ministry helping orphans and widows. How will there be joy in these things without my #1 cheerleader?? I know there WILL be joy, I just don't understand HOW it happens from my current perspective. I miss her so much already, and it has only been 2.5 weeks.
In the next few posts, I am going to attempt to process what God has been teaching me through this time of trial, and I know that this education process is only beginning.
Thanks to each of you for the support and prayers. God Bless you where HE has you on this crazy journey!
About Me
- Sara Beth
- I was born and raised in Kentucky. I graduated from Carson Newman College and Southwestern Seminary. I am passionate about orphan care and advocacy. I have been blessed with the most amazing network of family and friends. I am excited to surrender to the story that God wants to write for me!! I love to help people, analyze people, listen to people, and challenge people. (even when they don't ask me to) :) I am pretty laid back. Not much gets to me, usually.
1 comment:
SaraBeth I love you and yes I believe miracles happen and they will happen. This touched my heart and I am happy that your mother has gone to heaven. Let us pray for each other as we prepare our ways and meet Ruthie one day.
Be blessed my friend! I am happy that God has strengthened you and given you understanding.
With love
Rose
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